I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize