Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
