Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I AM VODKA MAN
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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