If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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