i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dicks are not precious.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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