do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
