WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i out mim tonsoeep
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