Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
