all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
