So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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