Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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