The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
