Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i now understand why vodka
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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