Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
