WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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