I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
