if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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