i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
