I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
