y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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