I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize