thus making me awesome and them whores
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
