guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
