I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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