If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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