ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
