woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
