And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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