i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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