i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
