You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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