Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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