Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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