It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
