you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
