so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
