omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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