hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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