Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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