YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
