Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
