she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
