I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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