called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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