whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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