Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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