you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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