So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
