dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
