the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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