I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize