They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
