I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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