If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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