I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
