she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
