pedialite and red bull = repair kit
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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