Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
