im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
