dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Alive.
So much puke
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
