i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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