I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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