is your mom at the bar?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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