You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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