I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize