New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
