hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
