i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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