It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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