I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
