double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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