11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
