Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
