he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The power of my boobs compel you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize