It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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