yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What a dumb baby whore.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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