You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
