I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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