O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Randomize
