oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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