Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
