Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
