well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize