i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
