Too much gin, very little bucket
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
