speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
