I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
