i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
