I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
