I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
