I think i peed on brittanys purse
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
