Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
