grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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