But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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