im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
