I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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