So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I CAN MOONWALK!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
4 words: hood of his car
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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