I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
