Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
