OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
