hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
