Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
