yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
